The Tasselfoot Theory of Usernames

by Tass on Jan.13, 2010, under Game, Personal, Random Stuff

I’ll warn you guys… this theory is a bit controversial. It’s spawned some nasty comments from those who disagree with it. But we can’t be intimidated by those who are afraid to push forward into the uncharted waters of new science.

The Tasselfoot Theory of Usernames states that there is an inverse correlation between the number of numbers in a person’s username and their general level of internet intelligence and maturity. There are also 2 corollaries: The X factor, which deals with number of X’s at the start and end of a person’s username, and the random letter corollary, which deals with a username made up of seemingly random letters.

The core of the theory is that the more numbers in a person’s username (usually at the end, but sometimes in the middle), the less likely it is that they’ll be able to hold a worthwhile conversation on the internet. The same holds true for Xs at the start/end and random letters. We can’t call it a law, as there are a rare few who break the theory, such as DietSnapple135 or jmtb02, but the theory holds true for the majority and has been tested in the field known as Impossible is Nothing on a vast number of occasions.

So please go forth and spread the word on the Tasselfoot Theory. Hell, test it out yourself. :)

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22 Comments for this entry

  • John

    This theory is offensive and I’m telling on you.

  • Andeh

    I don’t agree with this entirely, nearly all of my real life friends will use numbers in their names and I can guarantee you that most of them are high achievers with respectable personalities.

    However, I do notice this in specifically gaming communities. Outside of this, the trend doesn’t seem to follow.

  • Andeh

    Oh, on another note, I just viewed that thread of yours and by quickly looking at your posts/chat, you definitely sounded very accusatory; it didn’t surprise me that people got defensive and not as open-minded as you expected. Word of advice, if you want to have open discussions on such topics, try not to sound like an ***hole (to put it bluntly).

  • Tass

    It’s more of who started the thread and was pushing forward the discussion. All people that I have history with and short fuses towards. None of them are highly regarded in my book, obviously.

  • wesley

    You are forgetting a couple thing though.

    When making your username there are always rules like for example only numbers and letters or not more then x amount of characters. These rules limit the amount of usernames that can be made without them being random characters put together by alot.

    Now lets take World of Warcraft as an example. Last time I heard the game has reached more then 10 million players. The first couple people who started playing it had a smaller change to get the ”This name is already taken. Choose another one.” message.
    Making it easier to have a creative normal name without having to put numbers behind it or an x at the start and end of the name. Every time someone makes an account it gets harder to come up with a name that isnt already taken. The game has gotten so large by now its pretty hard for the average guy to come up with a good name.

    And then of course there is patience.
    Imagine buying an online game just now and you get home, you install it, make your character and then it asks what you want as your username. The game you bought is pretty big so a lot of obvious names as dark knight or a name from some tv show you like (for example all the naruto1234 usernames around nowadays) are already taken. Every name you try is already taken and you just cant come up with a good one. You have been at it for 10 minutes now and you still havent played the game. This is the point where alot of people go ”Fuck it. I will just put my birth date/an x at the start and end to kinda make a frame around the name/age/random numbers behind it” because you just want to play your game already and dont really care that much about your name.

    The theory is kind of right except that it shows more that the person has a lack of creativity and that alot of them prefer a username called after a hero from a game/tv show/whatever.(like i said earlier the enormous amount of usernames based on naruto, like the hokage4354 guy in the thread you linked, that have been popping up the last couple of years.)

  • Andeh

    Alright, that’s fair enough. Keep in mind though, not everybody is aware of who you hate and like so people like me are only able to draw a conclusion from the information that was presented and not from an extensive history of information pertaining to you.

    Back on topic, you are indeed correct that this can’t be a law. I actually find it difficult to believe this is even a theory since this correlation is fairly unpredictable at best, even if a trend does exist. I actually think there’s a different correlation that can be derived from this but I’ll save it for another time so this doesn’t turn into a six-paragraph essay.

  • Astral

    TL;DR please?

    I know 4-5 people like that, 3 of them in my guild.

    None in my guild are stupid, they’re very competitive and they’re pretty much awesome to hang with on vent.

    Other is a internet friend and … well.. he’s bad.

  • Marvin_MKII

    For people with numbers/random letters as pre- or suffixes to their username, here is a formula for getting a cool name:

    Start with taking a random word, for example an item of interior design. Add a random bodypart to the end.

    If taken try again with different items of interior design/body parts, and maybe reverse order.

    Voila, you now have a perfect username that reflects how totaly awesome and original you are.

    Examples: chairhead, lampankle, tasselfoot, kneecurtain.

  • dork5002002

    I believe this theory appears very true, especially the part about X’s and such. My name is full of numbers at the end. I didn’t even graduate in 2002 as some may think. I just tapped on the keyboard a few times to pick some numbers. My intelligence or ability to carry a conversation was probably low when I made the username. Since it has been over 10years since I made dork5002002 I believe the theory no longer works on me. I am much older and more educated now.

  • Astral

    They start stupid, they get better.

  • Xandertrax

    I agree 100% with this theory. It’s mostly appropriate to age and maturity. Even I had a username that had two 00′s at the end when I was younger. Fortunately, however, I passed that stage fairly quickly.

    And so what if a game has 10 million players? There are 6+ billion people in the world, there should be enough creativity in different individuals to come up with their own, unique username.

    But, hopefully, everyone won’t go around picking their favorite characters as usernames, or we’re going to have a lot of Harpots, Edlens, and other various permutations running around.

  • Anon

    An interesting theory, which may actually hold ground in some instances, but certainly there are exceptions to this “theory” or yours. I can recall from FFR two halfway decent examples: nforcer and foilman. The former wasn’t much of a poster in the general public after he was FFYa’d, but he had 5 numbers in his username if I recall correctly and he was without a doubt among the more intelligent posters in the community. foilman had 4 numbers in his username as I recall and he could definitely hold his own in matters of intelligence and discussion, though he turned into a bit of a troll in the last year of FFR or so. That was disappointing.

    I think your experience with people’s usernames and numbers is truly more of a coincidence than anything. Either that, or you just have the knack for engaging stupid people XD.

  • Jacksmacks

    Tass not to offend you but, is your username really that original? I mean your just taking the name from a character in the DragonLance books. So, isn’t that just as unoriginal as just adding numbers to the end of your name. Or, maybe less original because your just ripping it from a book. Oh, and by the way Tasselfoot the Kender from the DragonLance books was an awesome character. I’m just adding my 2 cents…

  • AngryGerbil

    I invented this name for the game ‘Medal of Honor: Allied Assault’ because my roommate and I thought it was way cooler to be killed by an angry gerbil (or in his case ‘Cupcake’)than yet another “DARK KNIGHT OF MASSIVE BLOODY HELL DEATH!” like so many kids did (do?) back then. (when was that anyway, 73 years ago?)

    For some reason, I just never could get away from it. So I have a silly net handle. I’ll get over it.

  • player_03

    I read through that thread and noted the supporters and detractors (you had two supporters in all, by the way). I also found your comment and lost a lot of respect for you as a result.
    I can’t respond there (and the thread is way too old to revive, anyway), but this seems like a reasonable place as well. Here goes:

    If there is any correlation between “intelligence and lack of numbers in usernames,” it is weak. It has too many exceptions for it to be used to predict anyone’s intelligence with any degree of certainty. Others have covered this point as well, so I’ll just leave it there.

    I’d rather not get into an argument as to how evolution works (too much of a red herring), but using it to defend the idea of killing “weak” people is about as stupid as 2010azam’s recent YouTube post.
    Basically, “survival of the fittest” makes no sense as (and was never intended as) a guideline, moral or otherwise. It certainly doesn’t apply to the ability to articulate oneself online; there’s no real reason to select for or against that (yet).
    Yes, I do get annoyed when people get the Theory of Evolution wrong. Why do you ask?

    Finally, it makes no sense to encourage someone to commit suicide because they were saying stupid things in a chat room. I realize you weren’t serious about suicide, but this does touch on an important issue.
    Behavior in a chat room is not an indicator of real-life intelligence or maturity. In person, people tend to take each other more seriously, put more thought into what they do, and convey their opinions more clearly (without even having to exaggerate them in order to be noticed).
    This also applies in one-on-one online conversations, especially if you have a topic of conversation. When people are discussing something one-on-one, they tend to be thoughtful and articulate, even if they are not when talking to a chat room.

  • Necrojesta

    So true, usually people I find with numbers in there names are 12 year old kids who insist on me being a newb.

    People from my school will always have at least 2 numbers and relate to their names in their usernames.

  • Kestrel

    I thought Marvin_MKII made a pretty good point, lol.
    But I agree that this theory isn’t watertight. A lot of good points were made by people on this post, but I would also like to add the following for your consideration:
    Exclamation marks
    Random symbols such as £$%&*
    CaPitaLs ANd loWer CASe mIxED IN togeTHeR
    MSN shortcuts, such as (H) used outside of MSN

    Personally, I usually try to find a name I like, try to make it quite original, and, if it’s taken, add numbers that mean something to me, as they’ll be easier to remember that way, for example one of my usernames is Pandora333 (PRE-AVATAR!), and three is my favourite number, so I have it three times.
    The name I’m using for this is the name of the main character in one of my favourite books. Not exactly original, I know, but there you have it.

  • Conor

    I agree mostly, Tass, but then again if someone has no choice but to put numbers or Xs in their name it doesn’t mean their internet idiots.

    However, when it IS possible to have a normal username, your theory stands up like a wall made of adamantium and the bones of a million Chuck Norris’s.

    An additional bit should be included in your theory, though. You should take into account all of the points mentioned in the above comment, and then these:

    Sexual references

    Random punctuation

    Using numbers in place of letters, such as “H4mst3rb0y”

    Names which broadcast the persons supposed awesomeness, such as “Timmyisreallyreallycool”

  • Lird300

    Hmmm. I wonder if I could be amused that this page has turned into a discussion thread?

  • Dee4Life

    I have the number 4 right there in the middle of my username… I have a PhD… Meh, your theory doesn’t stand up to scrutiny Tass. =~)

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